you quack me up

/me wonders if elvee is watching Disney channel while chatting with WOM


Disco...

Rap...

Beethoven

The movie, that is. Charles Grodin cwacks me up...

I get it.. I just got up.. A little slow.. Even though it's around 4pm.

Here is a good song to listen to that goes with this..

Ray Stevens - "The Streak"

/me still has to reprimand herself for her mental "knee-jerk" reflex of pronouncing Arkansas as "Ark-Kansas" rather than "Ark-AN-Saw" She catches herself and always feels silly for it. *Blush* Some words are just phonetically challenged...

All these have been so funny. My turn...

How to change your oil:

Women:

1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since The last
oil change.
2. Drink a cup of coffee.
3. 15 minutes later, write a check for 25 dollars and leave with a
properly maintained vehicle.

Men:

1. Go to O’Reilly auto parts and write a check for 50 dollars for oil,
filter, oil lift (AKA kitty litter), hand cleaner and scented tree.
2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking back
to O’Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3. Open a beer and drink it.
4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5. Find jack stands under kid’s pedal car.
6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7. Place drain pan under engine.
8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9. Give up and use crescent wrench. Round off 4 of 6 points
on plug.
10. Unscrew drain plug.
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.
12. Clean up.
13. Have another beer while oil is draining.
14. Look for oil filter wrench.
15. Give up; poke oil filter with Phillips screwdriver and twist it
off. Oil drains down arm and collects in armpit. Oil is still hot.
16. Beer.
17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19. Throw oil lift (AKA kitty litter) on oil spilled during step 18.
20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil
to gasket first.
23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24. Remember drain plug from step 11.
25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil
drains onto floor.
27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.
28. Bang head on floor board in reaction.
29. Begin cussing fit.
30. Throw wrench.
31. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December
(1992) in the left boob.
32. Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle.
33. Beer.
34. Beer.
35. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.
36. Beer.
37. Lower car from jack stands
38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
39. Move car back to apply more oil lift (AKA kitty litter) to fresh
oil spilled during step 23.
40. Drive car ½ quart low for 7000 miles when it’ll be time for another
oil change.

Even though it was a male basher, I still liked it.. two thumbs up.

Way up


The 'beer' made me thirsty tho

Almost sounds like when i change the oil

Glad you liked it.
Let me see what else I have.

Sounds like every Buba I ever met

A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told
her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying
"God bless mommy, God bless daddy, God bless grandma, and goodbye
grandpa."

The father said, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?"

The little girl said "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the
thing to do."

The next day grandpa died. Father thought it was a strange
coincidence.

A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her
prayers, which went like this: "God bless mommy, God bless daddy and
good-bye grandma. Next day the grandmother died.

My gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other
side. Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard
her
say "God bless mommy and good-bye daddy."

He practically went into shock. Couldn't sleep all night and got up
at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all
day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could
get by until midnight he would be OK. He felt safe in the office, so
instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there,
drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound.
Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.

When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late,
what's the matter?" He said "I don't want to talk about it, I've just
spent the worst day of my life."

She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what
happened to me. This morning the mailman dropped dead on our porch."

OMG! LMAO!

AARRghh! I got suckered on that one It's a good one.

You want another?

I'm game

go for it!

Okee-Dokee, by the way I know some of these are old but I have not saved any jokes for a while..



An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of
Chicago for a vacation in Key West Florida.
His wife was on a business trip that was ending
the next day and planned to fly directly to Key West
to meet him, so they could have more time together
during their vacation.

When he arrived at his hotel in Florida, he decided
to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the
piece of paper on which he had written her company
e-mail address, he did his best to type it from memory.

Unfortunately, he did not get it exactly right and
the message was routed instead to a preachers wife,
whose husband had just passed away earlier that week.

When the grieving widow opened her e-mail, she took
one look at her monitor, let out a blood curdling scream
and passed out in a dead faint.

The woman's daughter having heard the scream and the
loud thud, rushed into the room. There she saw her
mother lying on the floor and the following message on the computer screen:

MY DARLING WIFE:
JUST CHECKED IN, EVERYTHING IS PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW.
LOOKING FORWARD TO US BEING TOGETHER AGAIN.
YOUR LOVING HUSBAND
P.S. It sure is hot down here.

I remember that one! Still good though

A man suspected his wife was seeing another man, so he hired the famous
Chinese detective, Chen Lee, to watch and report any activities while
he was
gone. A few days later, he received this report:

Most Honorable Sir:

You leave house.
I watch house.
He come to house. I watch.
He and she leave house. I follow.
He and she go in hotel. I climb tree.
I look in window.
He kiss she. She kiss he.
He strip she. She strip he.
He play with she. She play with he.
I play with me. I fall out of tree.
I not see.

No Fee,

I hope you are having a good evening werewolf.

hehe

it's going ok all things considered..Thanks. I'm trying to find a joke about some robins, but I can't find it...something like this.

Two vultures are hanging out in a tree waiting for something good to eat. In a while, 4 robins come out in the sun to warm up...The vultures swoop down and gobble them up. One vulture says to the other "Man, I love baskin robins"

yeesh...