Here are a few more (galciv 1.20)Shipyard: 'A shipyard will make our ships built here will be more effective' - delete 2nd 'will'Frigate: "...It costs quite a bit more than a battle cruiser but it has three times many hitpoints' - add 'as'Advanced Quality Control: 'Provides this world a set of guidelines that will improve the quality of our ship construction' - add 'with'Reinforced Hulls: 'Using deflector technology, we can make now make the hulls on our ships a bit stronger which increases their hitpoint value' - delete 1st 'make'Alliance Victory: For alliances with all the major races you're not currently at war with to win through alliance victory.' - replace 'For' with 'Form'Note: can the other races win the game this way???3D Phasing: '...will allow travel to distance that previously were beyond comprehension' – add an ‘s’ to ‘distance’Hyperspace: 'Hyperspace utilizes the equations quantizing gravity and space-time...' - replace 'quantizing' with 'quantifying' (or ‘quantising’??)Advanced Trade: 'Getting other civilizations to agree allow us to have more trade routes is always a delicate issue' - add 'to'Interstellar Negotiation: ‘learning to negotiate with alien civilizations requires an immense amount skill and determination' - add 'of'
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I'd make some corrections to your corrections.
For ease of reading, I'd modify the first to 'A shipyard will make ships built here more effective.' The phrasing was awkward.
2nd, add a comma after 'battle cruiser'
3rd (Nitpick)The verb 'to provide' does _not_ demand the preposition with, but adding it might aid reading
4th-6th - no problems, good corrections
7th leave as is unless quantify was intended; quantize and qauntify ain't the dame thing dood...
rest good
~SDC~