Banned for being a wet blanket with attitude and holey socks, but nobody 'll darn 'em cos of the pungent toe jam and the whiff of stale old cheese that's still a few centuries away from being fossilised.

Banned for falling into the trap and deciding to stay a while cos, even though a rescue could have been ten minutes away,  the bait was just too tasty.

Banned for mentioning my pole in this discussion, and to which end of it I like to hold best.  And I'll have you know that juicy, wriggling worms in a bowl of spaghetti sauce are quite the delicacy and should not be used for fishing.

Banned for serving the mockers juicy, wriggling worms when a plateful of slow-moving slugs would have been preferable.... so much easier to get on the damned fork, especially after getting blottoed [completely and totally drunk] at the pub before dinner.

Also banned for reserves.... they didn't like the first serving, much less a second.

Banned for references to the old lady who swallowed a spider that wriggled and wriggled and tickled inside 'er.  She swallowed the spider to catch the fly.... and I thought 'greedy bitch, haven't you had enough protein already?'

Banned for tattooing Rudolph's red nose on your belly button.

banned for assuming some of us even bother with any holidays during this time period

Banned for assigning importance to reindeer at this time of year when the more important thing is Christmas pud, cake and grog... which includes yer beer, rum n' cider.  OOOOH ARRRRR !!!!!

I ave's four litres o' tradishunal Devonshire scrumpy [cider] left, and I be g'wen t' enjoy ev'ry last little drop.

Banned for guzzling brandy custard straight down, not to mention scoffing down the rum balls and gorging on the sherry laced minced fruit pies.  Coulda got the same effect a whole lot quicker by boozing it straight outta the bottle.

banned for trying to dry out this year

Hic!

Banned for the hic in hiccup, the bur in burp, the bar in barf .... and the far in 'fark me, it's beer o'clock'.