Banned for being short on hair and long in the tooth.

banned for toothless and shorted

banned for being zippery when wet

Banned for it only hurts once... it just depends for how long it is. 

And no, that was NOT a penis size pun... I was referring to the period of pain.

And no, that wasn't a reference to..... oh, never mind.

Banned for I wasn't referencing... quite the opposite, in fact.

Also, banned for hopping on the banned wagon and not checking tyres.

Banned for reading my diary.

Banned for leaving yours where I could read it... though it was as boring as bat shit 'til page 10. 

Reading about your sexual proclivities from page 11 was  similar to 50 Shades of Gray and therefore a little more tolerable.

Banned because pages 51 through 73 have been scrutinized by FBI/NSA/CIA/TSA/TTATOT and have been determined to be unsuitable for children under the age of 90.

*the horse that can't get up can't get out lol*

Banned for divulging the secrets of the horse and giving it an inferiority complex in front of his donkey friends.

Banned because I'm tired of being woken by cantankerous old farts making animal noises at ungodly hours.

Fortunately, I'm a forgiving cantankerous old fart and will excuse you this time... just don't go impersonating mating elephants next time I'm trying to sleep... the noise would be unbearable'

Banned for only half the distance...  cos ya gotta go there and back to see how far it is.

Banned for being within spitting distance ... which is 5 cubits in Biblical terms, or just a tad longer than a piece of string.

Banned for stringing together ill-fitting sentences to make a point. 

BTW, I hope that point hasn't been sharpened... could be dangerous, otherwise.