Banned for jealousy is a curse....

......and feeding your guests cat food is worse.

Banned for depriving hungry felines by feeding it to your guests.

Banned for a caviar appetite on a catfish spawn budget.

Banned for being all catfish-like and choosing to be a bottom feeder.

Banned for thinking I'm not interested in legs.

Banned for it's not about my old legs, rather it's about nice young ladies with nice long legs that go all the way up to there........

Banned for using a bastardised version of the English language and ridiculing an actual Englishman who is a walking dictionary of poor English.  I will have you know that English was my best subject at school and even Jafo doesn't have a patch on me when it comes to its correct usage.

Also, it's zed, not zee.... and honour, valour and demeanour all have U's in the correct spelling.  Like I said, the Yanks bastardised the English language as part of a push to become independent of Britain

Banned for thinking lazy foreigners bastardised the English language.... yeah the origins may have come from various places but it was the scholars at Oxford and Cambridge universities who collated and purified the English language as we now know it.

Truth is, the English language has been bastardised by the use of various dialects within the UK, so Americans are not the only ones the make alterations over the years.

I grew up with it being that way and I naturally use the language as I was taught.  Occasionally I will use some Americanisms where they fit.... and sometimes I will use program rather than the English spelling of programme.

Banned for watching/listening to The Three Stooges and really getting both the spoken and written word messed up with Curly's nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

The thing about language is that it is ever evolving, often changing the rules to make a new word fit.

Banned for being tardy without an excusory note from your mother.

Banned for setting your watch 2 hours forward to make it appear your mother was late.

Banned for feeling you missed out on all that cake and cream.... the $500 bills hidden inside the sponge

Banned for handing off counterfeit cash to little old ladies as well as putting some in the collection box at the local place of prayer.