Is that all there is of Borg....Might as well assimilate indeed

I am Erectile Dysfunctional of Borg... the Chief Surgeon of Borg said he could fix my broken implant with donations from family members. Trouble is, the bastard put grandad's bit in the middle.

I am Former Straight Shooter of Borg... you're complaining?  My implant has become teribbly bent... so to save me the trouble, I put it in double... and instead of coming I went.

I am Pacydermis Implantus of Borg... you blokes have nothing on me!  My implant was replaced with a piece of elephant trunk after a nasty assimilation accident... now when I go to the zoo, it'll burst out of my pants and shove peanuts up my butt.

I am Chief Surgeon of Borg... I have good new for you blokes... and I have bad news.  The good news is that I have invented the bionic implant.  The bad news is that you'll only be able to assimilate like Major Steve Austin running... in slow motion, and it will take you all night to do what you did all night.

I am archaeologist of Borg... sorry, Relic for disturbing you., I'll pop you back in your sacophagus momentarily.

I am Historian of Borg... without yesterday we wouldn't be where we are today, it's just that we have collected too many relics along the way and now some are gathering dust.

I am Caster Semanya of Borg... really, I don't know what all the fuss is about.  It's not like my 'third leg' helps me run any faster.

I am Carl Lewis of Borg... I know exactly what you mean.  I found mine slowed me down if I didn't tuck it between my legs.

I am Olympic Drug Cheat of Borg... that's why I took performance enhancing drugs, my 'third leg' slowed me down a lot.

I am Cathy Freeman of Borg... that's why I ran so fast.  Olympic Drug Cheat of Borg showed me his enormous 'third leg'

I am Loctus Incontinentus of Borg.... sometimes I need to tie a knot in my implant.

I am Victor Borge of Borg... I can play the piano with my implant.

I am Long Dong Silver of Borg... and by golly my implant's a whopper... once 'round the deck, twice 'round my neck and in my ear for a stopper.

I am Chelsea Charms of Borg... during the Boobs on Bikes Rally in Auckland the other day, I had to ride on a tank because my implants are way tooooo big for a bike.

I am Tank Commander of Borg... yeah, with her implants and mine, there was no room in the turret for anyone else.

I am Boobs on Bikes Spectator of Borg... when the tank's turret was swung around I got my ears boxed and I suffered two black eyes... but it was worth it.

I am Procession Leader of Borg... I'm sure glad she wasn't on the back of my bike and resting those things on my shoulders.

I am Plastic Surgeon of Borg... yeah, I had to send away for 2 extra large hot air balloons for those... and let me tell you, I thought pumping the silicon into them would never end.

I am Stretch Limo Driver of Borg.... and I am going for workers comp, Even though I had Chelsea Charms sit way back in the in the back seat her implants still put my back out.

I am Swimming Coach of Borg.... I had to cut Chelsea Charms from the team because she kept coming dead last.... cos her implants were dragging on the bottom of the pool.

I am Athletics Coach of Borg... well I'm quite happy to have her on my track team.  She mightn't run so fast, but she still crosses the finishing line ahead of everyone else.

I am Katie Price of Borg... despite being a brainless twat I have assimilated the entire British media with my dull existence...

I am Peter Andre of Borg.... being married to Katie Price isn't all it's cracked up to be.  I pretty near gotta bend over backwards to plant a kiss on her lips.... and with her implants resembling the hills of Jerusalem, I suffer with chronic shaggers back.

I am Samantha Fox of Borg... famous page 3 girl and wannabe singer, but at least my jubbly bits are real.

I am Calista Flockhart of Borg... I went to see my plastic surgeon about getting breast implants, but he said that I had no chance because he needed something to work with first.

I am Kim Kardashian of Borg.... I've heard it said that more than a mouthful is a waste, but I didn't get the fur coats, jewlery and BMW's by offering men mere morsels,

I am Calista Flockhart of Borg.... you're jealous?  My implants are like fried eggs compared to yours, and one day I hope to get out of my training bra and into a triple minus A-cup.

I am Country Music Fan of Borg... I've heard that Dolly Parton's jubbly bits are 100% real, though I'd give my last cent and have myself declared bankrupt to find out for myself.

I am James Woods of Borg... well I got up pretty close and personal to Dolly in the movie "Straight Talk' and those puppies looked, felt and um... tasted pretty real to me.

I are Redneck of Borg.... well I lawst mah virginity while luking at Dolly Parton's Cleevage... pity it wus in a magazine and I wus bah mahself.

I am Filthy Old Lecher of Borg.... I am more interested in Feel-a- boob than Boob-a-fill.

I am CEO of Proctor Silex of Borg... I may be getting rich but I'd like more of a hands-on approach when it comes to the measuring up, implanting and the post-implant assessment part.

I am Goldigger of Borg... well, Mr CEO, if you spend all your bonuses and 95% of you salary on me, you can have the hands-on approach with my implants on Tuesdays and Thursdays between 3.00 am and 3.05am, if you're awake.

I am Pre-Nup Lawyer of Borg... if you do not satisfy all aspects of the union, Miss Goldigger, Mr Proctor Silex can dissolve it without further ado... and remove your (free) implants via your armpits.

I am Doc of Borg... and I'll gladly take time out from my WC duties to handle Miss Goldigger's implants... and while I'm there, I'll check to see if Mr Proctor Silex has a heart and soul.

I am Lady Chatterley's Lover... I have had an experience with Miss Goldigger's below-the-navel implant (one that I'd rather forget) and my advice to Mr Proctor Silex is not to get too close when inspecting the silicon content... she's liable to peel one off just for the hell of it while he's down there.

I am Gardener of Borg... yeah, it can get a bit damp and musty down there.  Talk about trimming bikini lines. Once she came to me to borrow my hedge clippers and pruning shears to cut back the undergrowth... and I still had to finish it off with my trusty old push mower.

I am Goldigger of Borg... I resent the insinuation that I'm overly hirsute down there and I vehemently deny it is true the brush cutter found some wild animals hoiding in the undergrowth.

I am Brush Cutter of Borg... oh there's wild animals down there alright.  One was frightened by my power clippers and it bit me on the implant.

I am Doc of Borg... hmmm, a very peculiar case indeed.  The bite marks looked human... could be somebody lost their dentures down there.

I am Dentist of Borg... funny you should say that.  I had Bill Clinton in here the other day saying that he'd lost his.